Benzoic Stories

Remember my ka-subaru that broke down? Imagine this dude has never finished repairing it. Actually am at the garage and this dude has the audacity  to climb up another man's car and begin repairs while mine is collecting dust. "Habari ya mzee?" (Dude who are calling mzee?,do I look like someone's dad?) "Poa, bado hujamaliza na uko juu ya ingine?" This conversation goes on roughly 20mins back and forth but he clams it will be done by end of weekend. Free advice never pay your mechanic the full amount at once, they never get the work done.(I think he was also smelling of alcohol) Now am a disappointed man, I was supposed to catch up with Ndung'u at thika and discuss some 'shamba' deal but I guess I have to postpone. I grab a bag pack from the hind seat, Yell at the mechanic again(if you don't yell this guys never take you serious) and head for the mall. I have to call her again. Remember the noisy bus I was just say...

Half way the journey the bus is full and since we are Kenyans the bus has to Carry excess passages (make me understand how you would get into a full bus and still be conformable to journey on) I brush off that argument and jump online check out what the world is up to. Suddenly the driver decides to blast loud music into our tiny fragile earlobes. Its a miracle I can still hear.(or can someone shout  my name, I may need a new set of ears) Scrolling down on twitter(there is this hashtag #savetheboychild that blowing the internet) and get a good laugh which lights my mood again. 'Ghafla bin voo',(Swahili saying) there is this shadow that clears the sunrays from my face. Am kinda happy but curious on how good the deal it  is. Looking up lord dear lord what did I do to you to deserve this? I went to church last Sunday , gave my offering, what else do you need? There is this lady whose height I can't tell by the big massive tummy. Is she sick or pregnant? Its so big i...

The day had began on a higher note, the sun is not fully out yet but the weather is calm, I have just finished taking my breakfast. (Which by the way am very full cant lift a muscle am forced to chill a little longer on the couch). There is nothing better in this world like marrying a good woman(almost said perfect then just remembered ..... You know). Then things get better if she is of good character and looks good physically (forget the crap people say 'beauty is inward'). Let me break it down. She is chocolate in complexion, sightly chubby but not to much someone I can lift.(what's up with this small girls nowadays they all  wanna be skinny.) Perfect shape, everything its where its supposed to be, correct shoe size, good nose structure as well as dental. U know that ka-chich you ogle at when you walking along moi avenue? That's what I have in the house. To add salt to an injury she she can cook. (Dem, what did i do to deserve this). If you haven't noticed...

 Proverbs 15:17 better a small small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred.  (Bible aside) read this verse again. Vegetables? Mmmmh. Just thinking it loud how does love make this vegetables sweet? Or are there some kind of vegetables out there that I have no clue off that kind of or have the same taste as the calf? Let's forget the vegetables let us focus our energy on the calf for a second. Am sure 3/4 of us if not all have at least tasted or eaten a piece of a cow or better a goat, now imagine how a calf tastes.  Dear lord that baby is sweet. U know something is sweet when our friends who cook " mashakura" cook one and till its sweet. My agriculture is poor but I think a calf should be two to three years old (don't quote me on this I don't watch then grow or tick days on a calendar as days pass by. I don't even own one to begin with ) Back on track a calf (pause and google its picture)imagine the the tender ...

We are in this confined room it kind of smells funny, no windows, air vents and I can barely see a thing. I have no clue how I got here in the first place. Ooooh it hits me I do remember I was being canned in a city council van, no wounded my whole boy aches.  Now we like five people in here(those I can see) and asks "tuko wapi?" One guys says "kwa shimo" (I pretend to understand and keep silent I mean I got injuries to nurse) Later on I come to discover we were in cell Owned by the city council. Am charged with harkwing with malicious intend (whatever that means). The fine is 10k+vat, I had 537 shilings which has been taken and used as consultation fee (as per my thinking. They never gave me a proper explanation.) "My sack?", I ask. They all burst into uncontrolled laughter which made me wonder if they suffer from some kind of mental disability, then one guy in a rude rough voice vomits "kijana unataka tukufunze kuishi naiobi?"...

By now am panting heavily my toungue out gasping for as much air as possible.( this is the point where I wish we would breath though the skin). Five seconds are not even over up on our heals again. Let me clear the air you may think I changed ma career but no. I happen just to be in the in the wrong place at the right time. Now we at 'koja' facing ngara. One guy asks me " wako wapi?" And without even thinking I relied: " ata sijui" The air clears no more running battles, they start arranging their sacks on the ground and display their  merchandise. I collect  my breath for a few more minutes and begin waking back to the CBD. As I approach fire station am grabbed ruthlessly by some guy and before I could curse out a few words or even form a fist I was facing the opened back door of a city council van. "Mumeshinda hapa mukitusumbua Leo mtarujua"; this were words of one of the guys as he kicked my ass into the van. We were like 27people in ...